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Wednesday, 9 September 2020

Disney Explains Subtle Reasoning Behind Its Decision To Sell Its Soul To China For Tons Of Money [Satire]

Disney is under fire for filming its new live action version of Mulan in a Chinese city where Muslim minorities are held in prison camps. Mulan tells the legendary story of a young girl who becomes a famous warrior instead of being killed in the first fifteen minutes of any sword battle as she would have been in real life.
The Disney filming of Mulan in a city and country that is violating the most basic rights of its citizens is in direct contrast to Disney’s threat to boycott the state of Georgia if Georgia passed a law guaranteeing religious freedom.
When asked to explain why Disney filmed in a Chinese city that puts religious minorities in camps but refused to film in an American state if it guaranteed religious freedom, Disney spokesman Janus Smug, said, “That’s a very complicated question. No, I’m kidding. The answer is money. The long green. The Almighty Dollar. The Big Somolian. The smackeroo, the cheddar, the Benjamins, the dough, the bread, the casheroni.”
“You see, if we bend over backwards or even forwards for the Chinese tyrants who forcibly sterilize women, torture and murder dissidents and intern minorities, our films will be made available to a massive Chinese audience who can fill our pockets with great jingling piles of sweet, sweet ducats which we can then use to buy big houses, cars, private jets and underage girls or, this being Hollywood, boys, all of which is much better than having small houses and cars and having to fly commercial without the 15-year-olds,” Smug explained.
“This makes it very important to us that we bring our family friendly fare with its great values and inspiring storylines to the murderous Chinese whereas if we boycott the crackers in Georgia, we’ll look woke for the journos and it will barely cost us a sou,” Smug added. “I hope this clarifies the subtle reasoning behind our decision.”
Disney has already announced their delightful new animated feature “Mao,” about an adorable talking Panda who slaughters a hundred million people.

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