We like to think we’re hot shit here on Earth, but in the grand scheme of things, we really are just puny Earthlings. Our planet is nothing compared to some of the other monstrosities out there. And it’s not just planets. There are some terrifyingly large things hurling around in space that your mother would love to get her hands and legs on. Recently, animator Alvaro Gracia Montoya put together some graphics comparing the size of known asteroids to New York City and this is pure nightmare fuel. You know, if you weren’t already scared shitless by what’s going on.
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Ok, so this doesn’t look so bad. It would probably completely burn up on entry. Your mom wouldn’t even bat an eye lash at this space trash.
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Now we’re talking. That first one is just a chip off the old block compared to these. These dinosaur turd size space rocks don’t even get her out of the lay-z-boy.
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Now we’re entering holy shit this is bad territory. I’m no scientist, but I think if one of these decides to redirect and come for Earth, coronavirus will be the least of our concerns. Your mom has that excited look in her eye like that one time David Hasselhoff was signing pictures in the mall food court.
69230 Hermes, provisional designation 1937 UB, is a sub-kilometer sized asteroid and binary system on an eccentric orbit,[9] classified as a potentially hazardous asteroid and near-Earth object of the Apollo group, that passed Earth at approximately twice the distance of the Moon on 30 October 1937.
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At this point, don’t even worry about deleting your browser history. Now is a good time to begin praying to any and every God you can think of–you don’t want to choose wrong.
3200 Phaethon (sometimes misspelled Phaeton), provisional designation 1983 TB, is an active Apollo asteroid with an orbit that brings it closer to the Sun than any other named asteroid. It is 5.8 km (3.6 mi) in diameter and is the parent body of the Geminids meteor shower of mid-December. With an observation arc of 35+ years, it has a very well determined orbit. The 2017 Earth approach distance of about 10 million km was known with an accuracy of ±700 m.
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Brucia (minor planet designation: 323 Brucia) is a stony Phocaea asteroid and former Mars-crosser from the inner regions of the asteroid belt, approximately 33 kilometers (21 miles) in diameter. It was the first asteroid to be discovered by the use of astrophotography.
This isn’t just an asteroid, it’s a minor planet. Fuck. Your mother’s interest has been piqued…
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Hoarding update: All the KY in your town has disappeared from shelves along with water and TP. You haven’t seen your mom in a few days. You’d be worried about her if there wasn’t another clear and present danger…
Vesta (minor-planet designation: 4 Vesta) is one of the largest objects in the asteroid belt, with a mean diameter of 525 kilometers (326 mi). It was discovered by the German astronomer Heinrich Wilhelm Matthias Olbers on 29 March 1807. Numerous fragments of Vesta were ejected by collisions one and two billion years ago that left two enormous craters occupying much of Vesta’s southern hemisphere. Debris from these events has fallen to Earth as howardite–eucrite–diogenite (HED) meteorites, which have been a rich source of information about Vesta.
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Ceres (minor-planet designation: 1 Ceres) is the largest object in the main asteroid belt that lies between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter. With a diameter of 945 km (587 mi), Ceres is both the largest of the asteroids and the only unambiguous dwarf planet inside Neptune’s orbit. It is the 25th-largest body in the Solar System within the orbit of Neptune.
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Dildocus Momitus. The most massive entity in the know universe. Also know as your mother’s dildo. Thank God we’ve got your mother’s vacuous nether regions to keep us safe!
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Check out Alvaro’s amazing video explaining the degrees to which we’re completely screwed if any of these things turn to a collision course with Earth.
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