Sunday, 22 January 2017

This Teacher Live Tweeted A Class No One Showed Up For And It Was Hilarious

Adam Heath Avitable is a comedian from Florida and often teaches classes at universities. Yesterday, he was due to give one these classes. Except no one turned up. So he decided to live tweet the awkwardness that ensued as he desperately waited for someone to walk through the door. 
Classwatch 2017. Class started 30 mins ago. No students yet. I thought one was coming but it was just an administrator. Who laughed at me.

Five more minutes have passed. I'm starting to doubt myself. Did I tell them no class? Is today Thursday? Am I dreaming? 

It's so quiet. Every time I hear a door open, I sit up and smile. But when nobody enters my classroom, I die on the inside. 

Class started 45 mins ago. Still no students. I get paranoid. Is the door to the classroom locked?

I check it.

No.

Avitable began to question whether the world had ended while he was preparing for class. 
Is everyone else in the world dead? Was there a sudden zombie attack and I survived, alone in my classroom? 

I swear to all that's holy, if no students have shown up by the time it hits the hour mark, I'm calling it a day. 

And he quickly started to turn slightly insane. 
A bird lands outside my window. I invite him in to learn about algebra. He declines and flies away. I hope a cat eats him. 

I picture Rube Goldberg scenarios where all my students got into in one complex car accident and that's why they're late. 

I check my email to see if I missed something. I have no emails at all. This is weird. Did I die? Am I dead? Is this hell? 

My sign-in sheet is as empty as my soul right now. I have to eat this candy alone. 

Maybe I should just start lecturing. Students will hear talking and come in. That woudn't be crazy, right? RIGHT?! 

I SWEAR TO GOD IF SOMEONE IS PULLING A PRANK ON ME I WILL probably break down and cry. 

The lights just went off on me automatically. I start to get up to move around so they turn on again, but what's the point. 

I hear voices outside. I go to the window, hope in my heart. It's just some kids on their bikes, having fun. 1/2 

"Why aren't you in school? Your teacher needs you!" I yell through the closed window and give them the finger. 2/2 

I have started to name the chairs in the classroom. Funfetti is the good student. Charmander, the troublemaker. 

I fire off an email to my boss. "WHERE ARE ALL THE STUDENTS???!!?? 😪😪"

No reply.

Then it happens. I hear a door clang open. Footsteps get louder as someone approaches. Could it be? A student? 90 mins late? 


That's it. I give up. I'm packing up and going home. Clearly this is a sign that I wasn't meant to teach anyone today. 

And then, just as he'd given up hope...
Two students just walked in. Remorseless, no apology, no explanation. I hope they don't think they're getting any candy. 

I can't do it. I give them candy anyway, but remind them that class started 95 minutes ago. They shrug. Urge to kill rises. 

Both students ask to use the computer today. I sigh and say okay. I don't even need to be here. End. 


 

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